merry christmas!

this year is quite different from the ones that passed. we will be missing our loved ones --- my lolo and my papa. but as we celebrate christmas tonight our family reminds me so much of the kind of love that the Lord is giving His children.

my brother and I amidst the sad times has a family that loves and brings happiness to us.... to the rest of you who feels alone and depressed --- put your heads above the water, try to look, feel the breeze, smell the sweet scent of love...

Merry Christmas everyone! May the Lord God bless you!

christmas rush

bustling streets with cars...

late night hours in crowded malls...

bright lights, greens, reds... its the christmas rush.

busy busy busy...

unending wedding invititations, parties right and left

late nights in the office

deadlines that could not be met

happy songs

loud voices

clear fresh air

'tis the season

a blur of events...

i could not stop

debts pile up

emotions go hay wire

outpouring of money for meaningless gift-giving

i drown myself with work to cover for the emptiness

christmas rush ----

an overflowing rush of meaninglessness.

i am a mere observer looking through a glass ball of pretense.

dispensing tears

the sadness is still in my heart but by the grace of God i can feel His warm hug, constant companionship and a whisper of love as i live through the day

thank you Lord for always giving me a kiss good morning and whispering to me that all is well....

please tell papa i love him....

surviving everyday

... its getting harder everyday, more melancholy for each passing hour. i did not think that i would feel the deep sadness that i am feeling right now. i guess i miss papa.... i miss the what if's and the should have beens....

good bye papa...

i did not realize that time was too short... how i wish that i did not waste my time being estranged towards you.... how i wish that i was able to give you a last squeeze of a hug, last smack on the cheeks, my last i love you pa before you slept forever...

In the Eyes of a Child

When I was a wee bit younger, writing poems and essays was easy. My head seems to process words artfully which almost instantaneously pours down on my journals. In this light, I would like to share one of the poems I wrote when I was still in college.

In the Eyes of a Child

Flowers sing in the morning
The seas murmur softly
Leaves whisper
In the eyes of an innocent child

Laughter is enchanting
Pain & sorrow is unknown
In the eyes of an innocent child
that peek our world

The world is a constant beauty
Whishes come true
Where the child is,
Nothing is infeasible

Fairies come alive
Fiction is a reality
In the eyes of a child…..
Or is it?

It would have been wonderful
to have the eyes of a child
Where heaven is here
& hell is non-existing.

a prayer

i refuse to succumb to the feeling of emptiness... i don't want to be gnawed by hopelessness and hate... i simply refuse to.

this is reality, days when you just feel like everything is not going to go right. that there will be no way that God would smile on you and actually answer your prayers (for some people its called whinning!) -- this i refuse to succumb to.

right now. tonight. i feel rotten, empty and lazy. i don't feel good today. no feeling of excitement. nothing to look forward to. tomorrow is another day -- but its going to be same old same old. --> these thoughts im fighting --- im trying to reach for the light.

i cry out to God and ask Him to keep me sane, to actually spark my heart with excitement and energy. i refuse to be drabby at work tomorrow and i don't have anyone to run to. so tonight i cry out to God and ask Him to give me joy and happiness.

tonight this is my prayer.